


Wal-Mart

by dapperghost



Series: A Very Strider Life [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, all he got was a ban from walmart for eternity, all he wanted was food, dirk is not pleased, striders, striders being dorks, that is all they ever were, they are really just big kids, they destroy a walmart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-21
Updated: 2013-10-21
Packaged: 2017-12-30 00:50:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dapperghost/pseuds/dapperghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Striders go to Wal-Mart. Things do not go as planned. Alternately titled How the Striders Got Banned from Wal-Mart for Eternity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wal-Mart

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back again. Now with a brand new story. The thought of Striders acting like big kids is hilarious.

It was an average day in Houston, Texas. The sun was beating down like heat was going out of style, and the city was bustling as a city would ever be in this hot as fuck state. It was also an average day for the Striders as well. Or, as average a day they could ever have.  
The shitty apartment that the family owned was completely out of food, so they had decided a trip to the store was needed. Although, it definitely was not going as planned. Well, maybe Dirk was the only one that actually planned anything, giving that all his other brothers had been completely ignorant of the fact that the only thing in their fridge were shitty swords and other weapons. Either that or they just didn’t care that the entire apartment had absolutely no real food. Dirk was the one that had organized a trip to Wal-Mart, but as soon as they walked in the door, he instantly regretted it.  
As soon as all four Striders went through the door to the giant store, things went straight to hell. Why did Dirk even think his brothers were even close to mature enough to handle this?  
Twenty minutes later and everything was chaos. Somehow the once neat store had become the picture of a place after a tornado attack.  
Dave was in the art aisle of the store, having broken open a box of Crayola crayons, deciding to do some graffiti in red crayon like some five year old. Dirk came across this and facepalmed.  
"Dave oh my god no stop that…D DO NOT ENCOURAGE THIS!" He had just noticed that D was there, helping Dave by giving him tips for how to do proper graffiti. D snickered and continued pointing out the best places to draw with the red crayon.  
Dirk then grabbed them both by the ears, having to reach up for D, and started to drag them away. Just then he heard a woman’s scream, and groaned. He released his two brothers to go to the source of the scream. And sure enough, there was a form hidden in one of the clothes racks, exactly the size and shape of his older brother, Broseph Strider.  
Bro was hidden in the clothes rack, smack dab in the center of the women’s clothing area. Not only that, but it was also right in front of the changing rooms. A very surprised woman had come out of the changing rooms to return a bra, only to find the Strider right in front of her, a smirk on his face and body half hidden in a rack of dresses.  
“Bro get the fuck out of the clothes rack- NO STOP SCARING WOMEN!!” Another woman had come out and Bro had made a rather disturbing face at her, causing another shrill shriek. Dirk shook his head and grabbed his brother by the arm, dragging him away to find the other two Striders he had ditched.  
He came across them in the home improvement section, play sword fighting with wallpaper tubes. Sometimes Dirk questioned the maturity of his brothers. And by sometimes, he meant all the time.  
“DAVE, D, DO NOT FUCKING START FIGHTING WITH WALLPAPER TUBES. FUCK I DON’T KNOW YOU PEOPLE,” Dirk shouted before storming off to another aisle.  
One worker looked at him as he leaves. “Hey are those your brothers?” the person asked innocently.  
“Not anymore,” he grumbled, before heading to at least try to buy food.  
It was just then that a loud beeping was heard throughout the store, and the sprinkler system turned on. Dirk looked up at the ceiling, which was now spraying water on to his perfect hair. Dirk Strider and his perfect hair. He felt that was a reference to something. Oh well whatever.  
Someone was yelling about fire, and dirk had a sneaking suspicion that he knew who had started it. Sure enough, soon he and his brothers were being escorted out of the store by the manager himself.  
“AND DON’T COME BACK!!” a very pissed manager shouted at the four brothers’ backs.  
The four Striders then began the trek home, a tense aura in the air. “We had ONE JOB.”  
“We’re so-“  
“JUST ONE FUCKING JOB.”  
“Dirk…”  
“NOW WE’RE NEVER GONNA HAVE REAL FOOD.”  
“We’re-“  
“NEVER.”  
And so it was that the Striders never went to Wal-Mart again.


End file.
